Image....

I have never been one to think very highly of myself. I am sad to say that my self esteem or image of myself has always been one of so much negativity that it has started to depict every action, emotion, speech, dress, thought, health, friends, and activities of my life. Why, and how does something come to consume everything about you without you really realizing it? I honestly feel that for me, it is because I let it consume ME. I read this quote today off a website " You are what you think you are, no more, no less."
It has been so long of feeling like I am worth nothing, good for nothing, ugly, obese girl who tries to hide the true feelings of what is deep within my soul. This is hard to write for me... but if I can't write it out, how will I ever over come the negative me that I feel inside within me? For years I blamed the way I felt on other people for different reasons. Not once did I ever think that problem was truly all ME. I have let it consume who I want to be. Letting this hate overcome me will and has only made the inner me start to fade. I can not bring children into this world that is already hard enough and only getting worse; if I cant even cover come how I look and feel about myself. That would be an extremely bad role model for my future children. I want my inner Heather back! Reading this quote has opened my eyes in only one sentence! I have thought all these negative things about myself for so long that I have become what I thought I was. Nothing more, nothing less. I have looked at so many models, friends, family members, celebrities and class mates. Each of whom I have always compared myself to. I have always thought that the reason I never dated in high school or after high school was because of the fact that I was not thin or good looking enough for the men I came in contact with. When really if I had been able to see past of the worldly things, I could have happier and more confident years ago. Guys are attracted to confidence! The problem... which it is a problem that is within me. It is my choice and my choice alone to change how I see and feel about MYSELF.
Fortunately I have a loving husband who accepted me and my negative inner self. He seemed to just see past all the things that I saw. He would tell me time and time again that he doesn't see what I see. He see's someone who is beautiful, smart and out going. Someone who can be their own person, but seems to be holding back. He even told me that if I wanted to change I am the only one to change things. In order to be truly Happy you need to be happy with yourself and everything else will fall into place around you. To an extent mind you! ha ha
So I am going to take the first step and admit that my unhappiness of my image is a problem. That does more then just hurt me. Second: I will strive harder to say positive things about myself more often, and Third: Doing things that make me happy with ME. Mind you I don't really know how to go about this plan but I know that Today is the first day of change for ME! If I can do it, and mind I am one of the stubbornest people you will meet! ha ha then anyone can do it:) The change of Me is about to begin!