Peace of Mind

Prayers are answered in very interesting, random and special ways!


It is hard to think of being selfish as a good thing. i always thought it was a bad thing? I believe that if i talk myself into thinking one thing, I should be hoping and praying for the right things. I find myself doing this on a hormonal basis instead of logic or in a spiritual sense or even per sanity. Never go off your hormones it will only bring you down. I say this in my own words which isn't really easy to understand when they are coming from me! I like to think of the future as it is already reality when in fact it is not reality until it becomes the present. I find myself always in the future of things and never taking the time to live and experience the present. I have wondered why i have been so down in the dumps with not just myself but life! I know that I am happily married and i wouldn't change that for the world! Troy is everything to me! My problem is that i long to be a mother! It is crazy for me to want something that is a HUGE, WONDERFUL, and LIFE CHANGING commitment when I have not been married for all that long. I always thought oh that doesn't matter its selfish to not start having kids when you are as young as Troy and I. We should start having kids now! ha ha who needs to be out of debt when it is so close to being achieved? who needs to have a savings of some kind? who needs to be READY??? Well everyone can answer those questions when they want and how they want because everyone views everything so differently. Well if i didn't have the privilege of having what i thought a pregnancy scare, then i would not be able to answer these burning questions for myself:)
The last three weeks I feel has turned things around for me. It could have been those that I love that I confided in that helped me realize that I was not living in the present time that I live now. They didn't not say the words " Heather stop living in the future and live where you are right now! " But the things that they said with care and love made me think that is what they really meant! ha ha For the past three days I have been living in the present! Now I know that living in the present is all about the future. We can plan for the future and make plans to make our future easier or in a sense better. The present can be just as exciting as the future! The great thing about the present is that later in life it becomes the memories of the past. Why not live it up?! Which leads me to the three burning questions that I have been able to answer for myself.

Debt! It plays such a role in the lives of so many people in the world today! There is maybe one thing that you should go into debt for and that might be a home or even education or I guess hospital bills!? But i don't know much about debt. All I know is that Troy and I have a plan to pay it off in a fast timely manner:) Savings.... really need i say more? A savings is something that we do not have. Why don't we have savings? Well that's easy because what could be a savings is going straight to debt! lol its a vicious cycle:) Being READY now that question is the burning question!

I always thought that being ready didn't matter cause nobody is ever ready! It was your responsibility as a member of the church or rather any women who doesn't have fertility problems should get on the wagon! ha so far from the truth it isn't even funny!! I am reading this book entitled " The Mother in Me " at first I thought that it would make me stay in the state of " I want a baby now and I don't care what has to happen to have one." Surprisingly it was also a key to the way that I feel now. There was a quote in there that said something like this... " Don't you think that our God is a merciful God that will allow you to be ready for motherhood? ( and parenthood) The way this phrase hit me was insane! I never really thought about that. I didn't think that could be possible. Why not be possible though? I'm just crazy I guess?! Now I understand what it might mean. We all come to this earth as not just helpless, fragile, cant fend for yourself beings. Rather, each child that is born is a child of a living Father in Heaven that wants nothing more then for each of his children to be raised to return back to him. In this purpose alone is the mercy of our Father in Heaven. He wants us married couples to grow together as one, to know each other, to be connected spiritually.... to be READY! I know that you can never be ready in the earthly sense for children but I want to believe that if you feel that you are ready in the spiritual sense of things, that if you can prepare yourself in this way that you will be inspired to do the things that will help you be "READY" in the earthly sense as well. The adventure is only going to get better:)

Troy and I will have children. As for when we will have children... we don't know that yet? We both want to go on adventures with each other. We want to " LIVE IT UP " we know now that we are not ready for children. Whats a shocker is, it gives me peace of mind! Everything happens in due time:)